please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
