Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
