I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
