No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.