zippers are such a cool invention
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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