You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.