Texts From Last Night

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  (613): View more from Ontario

  the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek

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  (613): the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek http://tfl.nu/bytn
  Replies (5) Good night (872) Bad night (3537)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator

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  (503): The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator http://tfl.nu/5qfu
  Replies (37) Good night (554) Bad night (5337)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air

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  (610): the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air http://tfl.nu/jv3m
  Replies (31) Good night (685) Bad night (3542)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  so you masturbated because Oprah told you?

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  (603): so you masturbated because Oprah told you? http://tfl.nu/qr8j
  Replies (11) Good night (3364) Bad night (1143)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  again?

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  (612): I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job. (651): again? http://tfl.nu/ai0g
  Replies (11) Good night (988) Bad night (4847)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.

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  (352): Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break. http://tfl.nu/4l91
  Replies (11) Good night (4281) Bad night (876)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.

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  (314): He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is. http://tfl.nu/o2e4
  Replies (42) Good night (1225) Bad night (6550)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  how did the keg end up in the top bunk?

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  (941): how did the keg end up in the top bunk? http://tfl.nu/zpng
  Replies (11) Good night (2774) Bad night (653)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.

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  (319): Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now. http://tfl.nu/g0lg
  Replies (5) Good night (3600) Bad night (1012)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."

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  (859): He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for." http://tfl.nu/4ze1
  Replies (8) Good night (2382) Bad night (811)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.

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  (412): Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it. http://tfl.nu/x2ar
  Replies (6) Good night (1875) Bad night (934)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night

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  (505): She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night http://tfl.nu/ai6j
  Replies (12) Good night (494) Bad night (956)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children

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  (931): I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children http://tfl.nu/92r8
  Replies (4) Good night (852) Bad night (309)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?

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  (615): You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass... (931): And you wonder why you're always one of the guys? http://tfl.nu/4fld
  Replies (1) Good night (687) Bad night (239)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.

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  (203): So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza. http://tfl.nu/aaw9
  Replies (1) Good night (681) Bad night (216)

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