I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.