We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You were trust falling into bushes