i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
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it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
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let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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