dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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