Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize