I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
