I CAN MOONWALK!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
