bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
