I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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