I wannas sexs uuuuu
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
