Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
