Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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