I love black thongs
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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