I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
