Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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