I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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