I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
