My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just tell him i said nine months
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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