theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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