I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
