Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
