Welp...herpes.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
