omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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