i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
