I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
