Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
