worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
