the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
