His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
