so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
