So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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