Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
