I accidentally had phone sex last night
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
