Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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