And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
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whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
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i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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