somebody snuck up and got me drunk
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Come share oat with me in your robe
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
