You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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