after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Randomize
