My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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