This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
