So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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