you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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