Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
