so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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