I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
