i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i will never coherently bang her
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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