Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
there is glitter all over my balls
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