sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
