Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
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