i don't like sucking hair
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
