dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
