Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
