Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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