so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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