I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
