watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
