After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
