it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize