maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
