Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
