Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
