so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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