lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I met the friendliest cop last night
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
