So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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