I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
