Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just tell him i said nine months
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
