I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
