that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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