so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
