I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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