you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
