I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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