Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
