That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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