I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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