Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
