Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
